Dear Time:-)

Dear Time.....
It is said you a stubbornly persistent illusion...................
For some unknown reason you are in a rush to get to a concealed destination. One no one has been before. Time... Just so you know...candidly speaking that no one ever got anyway in a rush. One of three things happened... One never smelt the roses, day dreamed as they sat through a train journey... Watched the trees blush in the wind as their leaves shyly dropped to the ground. Time....don't be in a rush....stop and take a breath. Every single individual who's been dashing through life has missed the sun rise and set. That gorgeous mustard print in the skies....the awesomeness of its softness as it rises from its resting place every single morning. Dear Time.....just so you know a dash through life might possibly end in a dash against the rocks. You'll crush your toe nails and bear that notorious pain for nights on end.

So time....three likelyhoods...but there's more you'll miss. You'll never know the embrace of love, the fear of the unknown.... Time slow down, you'll miss the gasping of your breath at the miracle of life. You'll never know the victory of a long tedious battle. The shout of triumph at the cross of the finish Line.

Time hold your breath....listen to the wind ..oh listen...time you must feel the love that drags your soul from despair to wonderment. Be assured that you'll see what I mean....I've felt just that. I fear that you'll never know the beauty and warmth of an embrace as you desperately race to get to nowhere.

Slow down time....it is imperative that you watch the flowers sprout through the earth....reaching out to find life, being pushed out of the darkness of it's bed of dirt. There's so much you'll never feel...taste ..smell, experience... As you dash through life for no apparent reason.

Halt Time....halt... Dance in the rain, run in the sands on the shores, gaze up to the sky. Smile to yourself, make me smile....get to know yourself get to know me. Time there's more to life than flying through it!

Time fall in love with love... Feel the pain of loss.... Mend a broken heart. Don't dash to stop... I feel you and hear you. Wait for me time....I implore you to wait....I too want to feel your embrace...know your friendship. I long to wake up to you smiling down on me.

All I ask of you Time...is that for once you'll hear me...you'll wait for me and you'll walk with me. Just so you know...I love the coolness of the evening breeze....walk with me...speak tenderly to me. Tell me you'll watch me fall asleep and wake with me.

Time promise on oath...you'll wait, don't rush you are all I have. Wait for me :-)

Phoebe ....

The music of the soul!

British food has the repute to some of being rather bland#sadface# that deduction stems from individuals whose taste buds have been blinded so to speak by the continuous indent of spice and spike. On the contrary if there is anything typically referred to as "British cuisine" then I'd vouch for the tang that brings the soul to life with the blandness it carries.

You see each soul bears a sound, a song, a tune....some borne through the beat of an African drum, others a result of the most experienced of fingers gently strumming the strings of a cello, the gentle rich sound of the saxophone..... and then those a reflection of the waves of the sea reysing slowly to the end of the bank carrying with it the wealth of the sea simply to be picked up by the most delicate and keen:-)

The music of the soul.... For others at the first hearing is as bland as bland it self......you see what they've overlooked is the reality that certain tastes have to be acquired. Its only with passing time and a timeless consumption of the bland that one finds that so subtle taste that awakes every single cell of  one's being..........the truth is, a  rumbling of anything against another has its origin in the production of vibes...every movement delicately gives off a sound. At times the music of a soul is as tasteless as the elements that drum through the spirit. An empty soul dipped in the poverty of goodness vibrates a deprived bland tastelessness.

There's two dimensions to this.....one is the pleasant, gentleness and kindness to the bland and flat taste another is the superficiality and apathetic melody of the soul. Both are a result of an acquired taste....
We learn as we live that even the bland bears a tune...we find that what seems tasteless to one is the beating of the African drums for another. The life and soul of violin strings being tickled by the expert hands of one who has become one with it.

Bland to one.....bursting with vigour to another.

The music of the soul....:-)

Phoebe

A fine quibble!

I'm safe....I thought. It was a small comfort in the circumstances. The consideration of a quibble being so fine seemed quite hilarious. That afternoon I sat by the wayside and indulged in my favourite pass time....people watching. There is a satisfaction that comes from seeing past the unknowing faces of people as they unconsciously walk through life...so lost in their thoughts that they are oblivious of their own lease to the watching world.

There was a myriad of expressions.... A listlessness, fatigue, a definite anxiety.... A hopeless downcast faraway look that reeked of brokenness. Despite all of this....out of the blue popped a look I couldn't have missed for the world. It was a warm bright soul beaming with hope....shinning so bright as the sun....the rays of life bursting through my stare and finding me hidden behind the veil that had shielded me from those I was watching.

The truth is ....I saw myself in every individual that walked by. A flash of memory stole through my thoughts as I remembered sitting on the stair case in a moment of absolute emptiness, riddled with such apathy. I couldn't help me....the first instinct was to run up to this listless soul shake it to the reality that the path being trodden on was one well travelled. I longed to shout out through the veil that I too had once been there....dreading a recap.
It was all happening too fast...................oh how badly my voice quietly screamed out that I'd been there too, I reckoned it would have been of comfort.

A few moments later a lovely outward looking man walks by...I couldn't help noticing...the far away hopeless look of strain, anxiety and uncertainty. This time my whole being desired to jump out of this reverie and shout through the walls of his soul that he'd be alright. It was only a passing tide....but I was trapped in the canopy of my thoughts. People watching had ceased to be a pastime... I was living through the moments of my life as I stared at the world going by.

The way side had suddenly been invaded with a rich hullabaloo and yet still filled with countless lives quibbling through the complexities of life and of those real moments.

An unforgettable trice shot through the waves of thought. It was the warmth that emanated from a less tainted soul. The rays that burst through her soul reached out as I cropped with one hand against the falling brick wall. It shot through the thoughts of impossibilities that had shredded the only hope of survival I bore. You see....this was life itself.....this was me, I was looking at me:-) this look was so intimate. This was me....just before the listless shroud had bound me up. I wanted to be free....to jump out of my skin and grab the me that had faded away. To shake me out of this pit to who I was meant to be.
Tired of the weariness of always giving and never receiving had drained the fire from my soul. I figured out 'people watching' and quibbling were one and the same....well a sort of infused synthesis......one with the other.

I wanted out....life had written across the board too many words for my liking. I wanted to be free....I craved just one look....the look of hope and warmth. I edged to be able to say one day.....I'd never given up. This is what I hoped my fine quibble would be....and hope never fails.

Phoebe :-)

The possibilities of a minute!

As I sat through my morning commute and watched the timer as the traffic lights did their thing:-) ....it occurred to me that I had never considered the span of a minute. My mind started to race with possibilities....a life could be lost in far less than a minute, love could blossom and finally be acknowledged:-) suffice it to say the  hold of a minute of dignified silence....the clouds swiftly covering the sun. Flowers would start to bloom, a signature in the swish of the strike of a pen could alter the course of the law.
The visual of a minute sounds so minute and yet, imagine a meteorite falling through the sky would ultimately rattle our belief in the divine. Questions that forever never to be answered.

The power of a minute....so today I challenge myself with the 1440 minutes spread out as a fine meal in just one day. What might I accomplish today, how many hearts might I touch with a kind word, a smile or a good deed.
Savour the truth that life has been kind enough to allow countless opportunities.... Each day offers numerous channels to start over.
As though fresh waters rushing down well worn rocks.... Bringing to life again and again.
Each minute counts, a life could be changed by a single touch, smile or even a thought.
The possibilities of a minute:-) unimaginable and sheen to behold.

Phoebe

Places:-)

Spontaneity has a way of bringing back life's most treasured memories. As it happens....living in the city almost always dims the pleasure of  indulging in the uniqueness and beauty of the countryside. On one of my spontaneous escapades, my system was revered back into the life I once lived in this part of the plush outdoors....so to speak *. The periphery of the city had become 'outdoors' the freshness of the air was peacefully intense that it instantly filled the soul:-) a place one would live for eternity, but it was a passing breeze. Oh....how I wish I could stay in that place...lost in the moment and still living the moment. A rendezvous of sorts.....listlessly wandering  in the embrace of a journey being nowhere and yet being solidly somewhere. I cherished those times I possessed the power to make all life's fears so light they dissolved in the cool breeze. See... I quietly prayed they would go with the wisps of wind....but the wind had a mind of its own.
Nonetheless... I was intent on revelling in the moment... I let loose, the door to the world was shut. I danced with no care....I loved who I was.  I was determined to make me, I had to....no one else could. This was me, I was here... I knew it wouldn't last. Yet I would make the best of it :-)

Phoebe

The wind cannot read!

A sign stands by the path ' Do not pluck blossoms' oh...but what beautiful petals... The sleekness of its feel against one's fingertips, with an alluring pull to indulge in the significant pleasure they bring. So, I pull myself together .....restraining my restive self to stick to the command.

Not too far from the blossoms, I'd done my absolute best to walk away... Then a drift of wind blows down from the South, bringing with it a scent I couldn't elude. It was the blossoms....the scent more drawing than the feel of the petals against my skin. My mind racing with the reprimand so boldly budging in my mind's eye. This time no flippant excuse was to stand In the way of picking even just one petal:-) for a moment I set me loose as the wind gracefully and tenderly defied the sign and plucked the blossoms right into the palms of my hand.

Determined to let the wind take the blame, I gently covered the petals in safety of my palm....content:-)

Phoebe.

The course of time...the hopeful melancholic:-)

We may find the pieces stripped from us hopefully in going back to the places we briefly stepped through. In defiance of what will always dwell beyond our human reach What really happens.....does time drain our significance? Do we leave a bit of ourselves with every experience of passing time?. Who exactly are we from the starting point of eternity. Full beings, untainted.... We cannot live twice. Is it possible to find what we've lost.... No matter how brief it has been. Is our fight a divergence from the fearsome threat of loneliness..... The fear of never achieving...as time flies its course. Life seems so preoccupied with 'accidents' rather than chance, brimming with the waning desire to fall away.
In youth we live as if immortality reigned, unaware of the great expanse between our human ability to grasp the unknown and what Is real to the mortal.

The decisive moments in life...are rocked with a simplicity that undermines the consequence of those turns. A philosopher once said "every decision is a step away from a completely new life". When life changes its course ...unfolding its revolutionary newness, surprising even life itself. Is it true then to say that there's one life? Man still searches for a fitting description to life, continually resisting the inevitable. Almost as though in pursuit of the wind, hoping to catch it in the holes of a straw basket.
The elusive desire to find some answers, leaves a deeper sense of anxiety than the knowledge of the truth to those deep quests.

The truth is befitting...deeply befitting, the truth is the 'truth' will probably stay tucked away in the bed rock of the unknown.

Phoebe :-)

From A Distance:-)

I honestly cannot tell when this all began...to this day it still baffles me. You see, I was so convinced about my heart..so convinced was I that I knew I had it under control. For most or all of my life I chose who I fell in love with. I was so deliberate about it that I didn't realise I was a prisoner of my beliefs, fears and misconceptions....then the unthinkable happened. Fate is a widely believed  phenomenon, I for one has lived oblivious to it. In a world where half the time I can't tell exactly what is happening.....so this really was one of those times. However, this hit big and strong, it struck to the core. This was beyond my control.... I couldn't put a hold on this, neither was I able to grasp it. I had tumbled unknowingly into a dungeon that my conscience had decided would never allow a consideration of. I was here, the dungeon too evident and I was helpless. Totally helpless.....my only resolution was perched on the loo seat...in the stillness of my surrounding... Breathing out what had become ingrained in my heart. My emotions so alight with a love I couldn't fathom......this time I had to love from a distance! Oh how it ached.... My hope was its end, one I couldn't decide.

Phoebe

:-)

Guard your heart? Is that vital?

So in the most recent years I have become comfortable with me:-) with who God made me. I'm at peace with the uniqueness of my personality. Numerous times I  contemplated and zeroed on the possibility that I could actually have come from another planet #possiblealien# .

My greatest battle was that of the mind and heart. You see....I remember asking God to fill me with an abundance of love. I wanted to be so much like him, but just as so many prayers I had made in desperation ......I hadn't weighed the wisdom I'd need to handle answers to those prayers. Answers that begged for grace and wisdom to sit them through.

I'd always known how deeply I'd love.... I knew I had the capacity to love beyond myself. I loved with all I was and all I wasn't. .........
See....I had not learned to guard my heart. I supposed that in the same intensity I loved ...so would I be loved. I presumed that everyone one else perceived love and the need to love almost as I did or rather as God did.

I was wrong.....I was desperately wrong!
I now know I should have guarded my heart. Proverbs speaks about the heart as being the source of life:-)

*Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.*

I ought to have read the last part closely but I didn't. I suppose I over looked it.
You see....for years I was oblivious to the fact that this little part of me was in control of everything else...now I know. The psalmist in Psalm 27:13-14 says "I had fainted had I not believed to see God's goodness".
See at some point I fainted.....my heart fainted, I despaired of life.
Literally speaking my life was drawing to its close. I hadn't guarded my heart and I was falling so fast and so deep. Then the Shepherd of my soul lifted me and drew me out of the deep waters. He spared me:-)

Now everyday I do my best to guard my heart.....I need to and I must.

God's grace

Phoebe
#stilllearning#

God? Could he really do this? For me?

Not too long ago it dawned on me that despite all the years I'd been a follower of Christ, I still fought with the possibilities that God would cause to happen. I'd done it all, I had prayed, fasted, 'overnighted' .....I'd done what all fanatics would do for what they believed in. Time and time again , I professed my confidence in my heavenly father.... My faith stirring up such fire in me when I congregated with God's people, everything seemed possible as we worshipped and prayed together. Sometimes in the flash of a moment I dreaded going back to my own little world where I knew I'd have to face those nasty thoughts that questioned my faith and God's surety in keeping his promise.

I still looked up to the heavens and told myself it'd all be OK. I had moments when I was dangerously convinced God would do far beyond what I imagined....I could hear his voice reminding me that he'd promised on oath to himself that he'd keep his word. But.....see I despised that part of my nature that struggled to believe that my creator, the author of my faith cared enough to out do himself on me...I am human, I know that full well....somewhere deep inside it was my insecurities and fears... The assumption and the lie that I wasn't good enough for God to do the unbelievable just for me.
Then!!!!!! I was reminded of
Isaiah 43.. My heart burst with unimaginable joy#assurance# God had made me....I am his and he is determined to outdo himself for me.

Hebrews 6:17 Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath:

That's all I needed for that one more push to believe that my Father, lover, creator and friend wouldn't let me down:-) and yes he can and he will outdo himself just for me.

Phoebe